Bonjour, je passe l'oral du BAC d'anglais dans quelque semaines. Quelqu'un peut me dire si ma synthese de la notion "Idea of progress" est bonne?

The idea of progress

First of all I would like to give you a defenition of the idea of progress. It is a development towards a better, more complete, or more modern condition. Basically it consists in believing that the world can improve in terms of art, science, technology, liberty and quality of life.
In class we chose to study progress in technology more precisely in energy and computers throug the lives of Thomas Edisson and Steve Jobs. Secondly, we will see the evolution of family structures ans women's rights.

I) Progress in technology
On the one hand, thanks to Thomas edison we are able to liste to music at home. Steve jobs enabled to listen music wherever we want. There are more positive aspects to technological progress with electrical devices such as washing machine and the frudge. They improved women's lives.
On the other hand, however disadvantages as we saw in documents studied in class. The first one entitled “think before you post” warns us against the dangers of internet and new technologies. First, if we post silly photos and videos of ourselves, later recruiters might find them and use them against us. Besides, if we publish personal details, nasty might harass us. Before internet, harassment was limited to insults or assault. Once at home, you were safe. Whereas with internet and new technologies, evil people can follow you everywhere and send hate messages. Some teenagers suffered so much they commitled suicide.
II) Evolution of family strutures and women's rights
yet, the news technologies went along with the changes that took place in our society and changed family structures through women's lives. The painting entitled “Freedom From Want” was made in 1942 by Norman Rockwell. It was supposed to be inspired by the family values of the time. First, the description we can give is that of a traditional family gathering for a holiday which is paramount in the USA called Thakgiving. It dates back to the 17 century. It is a time for tradition and sharing. To this day it's the same menu repeated in every family with the traditional ingredients that we can see on rockwell's painting: turkey, potatoes, pumpkin pie...
In addition to the values that we have just seen together, we notice the sort of traditional role given to each member according to their gender. Indeed the grand father is obvously in charge. The grand mother set an example for ladies, she looks very modest and submissive. Those were the qualities expected from a woman up to the 60ies. Until 1964 in france they were not allowed to work without the permission of their father or husband. Fortunately the situation has evolved for women, thanks to the continious efforts of women associations like the suffragettes in england, women in that country were given the right of vote in 1928, though only for women aged 30. On the question of work, more and more women started to work for a salary outside the family home. Moreover, another paramount law was passed in the french parliament in november 1974 when abortion was made legal and refunded in hospital until the 12th week of pregnancy.