Bonjour, correction: when she was a child --> when she were a child, pregnant of 3 months --> pregnant for 3 months, days passed --> time keept going and Christmas was there, he was still --> he were still in his military service, but wanted to -->but he wanted to, but unfortunately --> unfortunately, on his way home --> on his way back to home, totally devastated --> utterly devastated (c'est un vocabulaire plus riche), when nobody sees that coming --> when you don't see that coming.
C'est compréhensible. Quelques fautes cependant, bon travail.