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Reine16
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bonjour j'aurais besoins d'une correction svp de mon texte noter svp
se mettre a la place de quelqu'un le 11/09 (attck terroriste a new york)
texte :

hello my name is williams and i will tell you the story of when i was in the LSPD
(LOS SANTOS POLICE DEPARTMENT)
That day on September 11 I patrol the streets of New York near the Twin tower
when i hear a Big bang..What is it ???
I see around me
people were shock.. me too
from away, i saw some people jumped of the building ! why ? i don't understood...
it's very horrible
after this sad moment... i see the tower on fire
I'm don't trying to understand
i run toward the tower evacuate most a people possible
this is the panic ! people run in tears, sceaming, all afraid
the second big bang
i exit and i see a planes crash in the second in the middle of tower
i thougt it was a crash because of a steering error.
no.. ! it's...a attack !
the collision create a big explosion it's horrible
lot of people suffer, burned in the tower.
they scream SOS, i would save the people
i back in the tower for evacuate people
it's black... everyone screaming, the dust, the fire it's terrible
i evacuate some people but lot of people remain
the top they prefer comit suicide that died burned
i exit tower, some minute later
the twin towers fall
i never seen that in my life


Sagot :

Timothee0110

Tu ne peux pas employer Past et Simple Present si tu parles d'une action, ( donc par conséquent du 11 novembre ).

Voici le texte que j'ai essayé de corriger au maximum ( je ne suis qu'en 3ème)

hello my name is williams and i will tell you the story when i was in the LSPD

(LOS SANTOS POLICE DEPARTMENT)

That day on September 11 I was patrolling in the streets of New York near the Twin tower

when i heared a Big bang..What was that ???

I looked around me

people were shock.. me too

from away, i saw some people jumped of the building ! why ? i didn't understand

it was very horrible

after this sad moment... i saw the tower on fire

I was'nt trying to understand

i ran toward the tower for evacuate most a people possible

It was the panic ! people ran in tears, sceaming, all afraid

the second big bang

i exited and i saw a planes crash in the second in the middle of tower

i thougt it was a crash because of a steering error.

no.. ! it's...an attack ! ( tu as écrit " a attack " or on ne met jamais " a " devant une voyelle, on met toujours un " an " ! Très important, fais attention la prochaine fois ! )

the collision created a big explosion that was horrible

lot of people suffered, burned in the tower.

they screamed SOS, i would save the people

i backed in the tower for evacuate people

it was black... everyone screaming, the dust, the fire it was terrible

i evacuated some people but lot of them remained

the top they prefered comit suicide that died burned

i exited tower, some minute later

the twin towers falled

i never seen that in my life

-----------------------------------------------

Voilà :D en espérant t'avoir aider.

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