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Ankoma528
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Oral bac en Anglais LV1 Espaces et échanges

Bonjour,
Je passe mon oral d'anglais dans très peu de temps et je vous demande donc un peu d'aide pour corriger mon texte et voir ce que vous en pensez, merci d'avance
Espaces et échanges :

Introduction : I'm going to talk about the notion Spaces and exchanges. To begin with, I would like to give a definition of this notion : the notion of spaces and exchanges talking about the geographical and symbolic areas that all societies occupy and the interactions between men and different societies. To illustrate this we may wonder if a gap year can be a rewarding experience. We will see in a first part the origin of the gap year and in a second part we will see his advantages and his drawbacks.
1. : First of all, a gap year is a year off before entering university, gappers can escape the stress of exams and school while studying in the real world. The origin of the gap year started in the eighteen century, students travelled to study sciences, mathematics, litteratures and medicines. Nowaday's, students still travel for the same reasons thanks to European exchanges programs however the number of student has increased like the number of programs, actually there are tree differents European programs : the Erasmus program, the Leonardo da Vinci program and the Coménius program.
Transition : We have seen the origin of the gap year and the differents programs which appear whit time. Now we will see in this second part the advantages and the drawbacks of this gap year.
2. : A gap year present a lot of advantages. First of all, travellling around the world, while you travel you can meet people and discover new culture. It's a rewarding experience for students because they can do volunteer work and help poor people, moreover students can learn a foreign language. However, one of the major problems is money, indeed your parents may not support the travel and hotel cost. The others disadvantages concern your own feel, you can be homesick about missing your family and your friends for a year.
Conclusion : To conclude, I think a gap year can be a rewarding experience for students. Even if on the one hand a gap year cost a lot of money. The things that you see and the people you meet during your travel can teach you something that you won't learn in lessons, indeed you can comeback a better person and become open minded.

Sagot :

MatM
I'm going to talk about the notion of spaces and exchanges.

To begin with, I would like to give a definition of this concept/idea (pour éviter les répétitions):
the notion of spaces and exchanges can be understood/considerered as the geographical and symbolic areas that all societies occupy or as the interactions between men in different societies.
==> ta phrase était un peu maladroite.

[...]

We will see in a first part the origin of the gap year; secondly, we will assess its benefits and its drawbacks.
==> "gap year" est neutre donc il faut utiliser le pronom its. Par ailleurs, tu répètes "we will see" alors que tu peux utiliser l'expression "to asses the benefits and the drawbacks of something/someone" ( = mesurer le pour et le contre de qqch/qqun).

Nowadays students still travel for the same reasons thanks to European exchanges programs. Moreover (pourquoi 'however'??) the number of student has increased like the number of programs, actually there are tree different European programs : the Erasmus program, the Leonardo da Vinci program and the Coménius program.

Now that we established the origin of the gap year and the different programs helping students travel in Europe, we are going to move on to (= nous allons passer / nous allons aborder) the advantages and the drawbacks of this gap year. 

A gap year presents (attention au "s" de la 3eme personne du singulier) a lot of advantages. First of all, travelling around the world is an opportunity to meet people and to discover new cultures. 

However, one of the major problems is money because parents have to support the travel and hotel cost of their children. 
[...]
The things that you see and the people you meet during your travel can teach you something that you wouldn't learn in class (je pense que le conditionnel serait plus adapté). Besides, you can develop yourself and become more open-minded than you were before traveling.
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