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Kigongo426
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Oral/Myths and heroes

Bonjour,
je passe mon bac d'anglais lundi et je voudrais savoir s'il y a beaucoup de fautes dans ce que j'ai écrit s'il vous plaît.
Merci pour vos réponses.
I am going to talk about the notion of myth and heroes. We can give a definition of this notion. A hero is a person or inhuman who represent a symbol for tne population and become the icon. A myth is an event or a story whose can real or not real. What is a person considered same a hero ?
To illustrate the notion we can take differents examples of personalities who became the models of society, same Marc Zuckerberge or Edison, or still Steve Jobs and of other one. Furethermore, ther are those who worked hard to manage to the top to being start from scratch. But there are also other who became national hero with their policy and they changed the policy of their country. Documents I have chosen are a extract of web site of Oprah Winfrey, a poem about the life of Andrew Carnegie,
When we look the career of Oprah Winfrey, she grown up in Kosciusko, Mississipi with obstacles known by an Africain americain. She may have suffered from discrimination such as racial prejudices. But she begins the career same correspondent on WTVF-TV, then anchorwoman in Chicago. Today she direct her own show whose name The Oprah Winfrey Show since 1985 whose has an international impact (144 countries). We can say this career is extraordinary.
She started from scratch before achieve success. She became the most influencial woman of America. We can say she was very important in the america society.
As Oprah Winfrey, Andrew Carnegie who was a Scottish immigrant in the USA, became the richest man in the world. He was nickname “prince of peace” because donated money for the education. He was determined, ambitious and confident in the americain dream. These qualities are the one of a hero. Even if the image of Scottish who is stingy, he was even though a philantropist but he was generous.
He became very famous at the time, had human values very important as pronoted peace in the world. He embodies the myth of the self-made man.
This differents personalities are a good example of Americain dreams.
We can take as example Nelson Mandela to illustrate this notion because he represented the policy of today of South Africa. During her life, he fought against the racism. He served as his country, a country of division. He became a national hero with her policy whose changed the vision of people. He's been through a lot of obstacles during his life. He incarcerated during 27 years, persecuted by white people. He embodies the liberty of black's population.
As Nelson Mandela, Barck Obama changed the situation on afghanistan to do peace on the world. And he was a symbol of defender of black's right and of a close country. He is the first black's president of the USA. He avoided doing a war furthermore.
A hero can be a normal person with a good means to improve some situation.



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Santos2
I am going to talk about the notion of myths and heroes. We can give a definition of this notion (the sentence should be about you giving the definition or write we can give this definition as...). A hero is a person or human (person and human means the same thing) who represent a symbol (symbol and represents implies the same thing in this context..rather represents a symbol of peace, courage, brotherhood...) for the population and become the icon (give a better definition of a hero). A myth is an event or a story whose (whose used for people or animal that had been earlier mentioned..use which) can be real or not real (one you mentioned real there is n need of repeating it... real or not). What is a person considered same a hero? (the sentence needs revision as it's not clear)
To illustrate the notion we can look at different examples of personalities who became the models of society, such as Marc Zuckerberge, Edison, or (still removed because it is only used to mean all the same , not moving or none the less...doesn't suit this the meaning)Steve Jobs  among others. Furethermore (implies in addition to and you would use it only to add to a point you had earlier mentioned and not to bring in another point), there are those who worked hard to manage to the top to being start from scratch (among them are those who started from scratch, worked hard and got to the top). But there are also others who became national heroes for their policies that changed the policy  of their country. Documents I have chosen are a extract of a web site of Oprah Winfrey (Oprah Winfrey's website sounds better), a poem about the life of Andrew Carnegie, (use a full stop do denote end of the sentence)
When we look at the career of Oprah Winfrey, she grew (be mindful of the tense) up in Kosciusko, Mississipi with obstacles (many obstacles of life) common to African Americans. She may have suffered from discrimination such as racial prejudices.(provide a better link between sentences). But she however overcomes them and begins her career as a correspondent on WTVF-TV and later on as an anchorwoman in Chicago. Today she directs her own show whose by the name The Oprah Winfrey Show. Its been on air since 1985 and has had a huge international impact (144 countries). We can say this career is extraordinary. 
She started from scratch and became successful,  to the point of being named as the most influential woman in America. We can say she was (she is is still living so you use is) very important in the American society. 
As Oprah Winfrey, Andrew Carnegie who was a Scottish immigrant in the USA, became the richest man in the world. He was nicknamed “prince of peace” because he donated money for education. He was determined, ambitious and confident about the American dream. These are the kind of qualities that describe a hero. Even if the image of Scottish who is stingy, he was even though a philantropist but he was generous (do you mean the Scots are stingy but contrary to their nature he was philanthropic and generous?) .
He became very famous at the time, he respected human values and promoted peace in the world. He embodies the myth of the self-made man.
These different personalities are good example of American dreams. 
We can take an example of Nelson Mandela to illustrate this notion because he represented the policy of today's South Africa. During his life, he fought against racism. He served his country, a country that was divided. He became a national hero with his policies that changed the vision of people. He went through a lot of obstacles during his life in his quest to make South Africa a better nation. He was incarcerated for 27 years, persecuted by white people. He embodies the liberty of black's population. 
As Nelson Mandela, Barack Obama changed the situation in Afghanistan to bring peace in the world. And he became a symbol of a defender of black's right and of a close country. He is the first black's president of the USA. He avoided going to war furthermore. 
A hero can be a normal person with a good means to improve some situation. 
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