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Oral bac/correction

Bonjour à tous,
voici ma préparation pour mon oral d'anglais. Si quelqu'un pouvait prendre le temps de me corriger ça me rendrait un énorme service.
Merci d'avance
For a society, progress is the evolution in the meaning of improvement, his gradual transformation to more knowledge. In general terms progress is associated with modernity.
In the study of the notion of progress, we talked mostly about technological progress, so we will focus our argument on this.
Technology refers to the study of tools and technical. That, affects directly the human for a specific purpose, simplify his life. It's at the service of Human. But today we found a negative aspect. For some people, the Human is completely dependent and slave of this technological progress. So we can ask if we can exist without technology ?
before answer this problematic, we can define other types of progress.
The social progress : divorce is becoming commonplace and gives rise to single-parent or blended families, mentalities are evolving and same-sex marriage or gay parenting shows this idea of ??progress even if they remain burning issues.
The scientific progress : the evolution of medical science has made it necessary to consider major breakthroughs in a philosophical, political or legal perspective, for example as regards, euthanasia, surrogate mothers...
We can start with an example who students decided to switch off their technological devices. For instance, they will not be allowed to use their mobile phone, their computer, their TV set or video games. This challenge takes place in high school in Oregon. The students were able to discover the negatives an positives aspects of a life without technology like : can't read the information, miss important e-mail but the experience was eye-opening because it was a challenge for those who are addicted to gadget and the students have discovered a better life in society.
And second time, we can evoke, the downsides of a life without technology with the Blackout who affected California, Arizona and Mexico in September 2011 (two thousand and eleven). Many cities were left in total darkness because they were deprived of electricity. The consequences of this Blackout were various : a problem with tragic jam, no tragic light, problems in hospitals...
Other example, In April this year the London Stock Exchange was closed for 8 hours when a error shut down it's system. They lost millions of pounds and all they could do was sit and watch.
I think we can't live without a minimum of technology as evidenced by the Blackout, but we do not have to be dependent. Technology is there and makes something easier doesn't mean we should rely on it so much that we can't think for ourselves.
And this is the problem of my generation, because we were born with technology so we are dependent on it and we don't think without technology. It's necessary to find a balance because life without technology is impossible once it has access, but addiction is not an obligation.


Sagot :

For a society, progress is the evolution in the meaning of improvement and the gradual transformation to more knowledge. In general terms progress is associated with modernity. 
In the study of the notion of progress, we talked mostly about technological progress, so we will focus our argument on this.
Technology refers to the study of tools and technical(activities? including skill,methods and process). That, affects directly the human for a specific purpose, simplify his life. It's at the service of Human. But today we found a negative aspect. For some people, Human beings are becoming completely dependent and slave of this technological progress. So we can ask if we can exist without technology ? 
Before we answer this problematic (question), we can define other types of progress. 
The social progress : divorce is becoming commonplace and gives rise to single-parent or blended families, mentalities are evolving and same-sex marriage or gay parenting shows this idea of ??(social)progress even if they remain burning issues.(you haven't described what social progress is, rather you have given examples)
The scientific progress : the evolution of medical science has made it possible to encounter major breakthroughs but at times in contrast to the norms of the society as regards in a philosophical, political or legal perspective, for example as regards, euthanasia, surrogate mothers... 
We can start with an example of students who decided to switch off their technological devices for sometime. For instance, they were not allowed to use their mobile phones, their computers, their TV set or video games. This challenge took place in an high school in Oregon. The students were able to discover the negatives and positives aspects of life without technology like : can't read the information, miss important e-mail but on the other hand the experience was eye-opening because it was a challenging for those who were addicted to their gadgets. In the end the students discovered a better life in society. 
And second time (secondly) we can evoke(look at), the downside of life without technology an example being the Blackout which affected California, Arizona and Mexico in September 2011(two thousand and eleven). Many cities were left in total darkness because they were deprived of electricity. The consequences of this Blackout were various (numerous)problems with tragic (traffic) jam, no tragic light, problems in hospitals... (exhaust the problems or just list a few an conclude with a phrase like "among others" or "just to name a few")
Other example, In April this year the London Stock Exchange was closed for 8 hours when an error shut down it's system. They lost millions of pounds and all they could do was just sit and watch. 
I think we can't live without a minimum of technology as evidenced by the Blackout, but we do not have to be dependent on it (addicted to it). Technology is there to make things easier but that doesn't mean we should rely on it so much that we can't think for ourselves. 
And this is the problem of my generation, because we were born with technology (in a technological world) so we are dependent on it and we can't think without technology. It's necessary to find a balance because life without technology is impossible once it has access to your life, but addiction is not an obligation.
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