Aide correction oral anglais notion Places and form of Power / Lieux et formes du pouvoir

Bonjour!
Je m'appelle Chloé, je suis en Terminale S et je passe les épreuves orales d'anglais à la rentrée. Pouvez-vous me dire si mon texte est correct et m'aider à corriger mes éventuelles erreurs? Merci d'avance.

Good morning. In this theme “Places and types of power” I will talk about the universities. The definition of power is the capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events. Today, to take power, it is important to make relatives and to have a big career that begins by a good education. A majority of high figures of the society have first do exceptional studies, in famous universities. Universities are places who make power, the competition is fierce. But the cost of tuition fees is rising more and more and creates debate. Is it rentable to pay high tuition fees to go to university or will they become free for equality of chances between everybody?
In October 2010, the English Government voted a new law who gives to university the right to raise their tuition fees, at the students’ expense. It is not to the liking of the students, who did a coalition to make their voices heard. Effectively, lower income students are forced to borrow money from the bank, or ask their family to lend money. These students will leave university with debts to pay back, around 60000$. The opponents to the law complained and said that today, we have to “buy” our degree, they are become a symbol of money rather than of people’s effort, commitment and hard work. Only people from advantaged families are sure to go to university, and it’s really unfair. It reduces the diversity of people in high school and adding to the separation of classes. The costs have increase 3 times as high as the salary and the debts shouldn’t be prohibitive. For any replies, universities highlighted two arguments: In one hand, this money use to remain prestigious, pay the best professors etc. In the other hand, students who leave famous university with prestigious degree are sure to get better paid jobs, have a good wage and earn more money than someone who never goes to university. It allows to paying back more rapidly their loan and it’s in theory rentable after some years.
For some students, it’s hard to make ends meet: they haven’t right to scholarships, and nobody in their family can help. How did they cope with the cost? Crystal is a self-made woman. To overcome the students’ loans, she makes the impossible: In addition to her studies, she decided to takes three little jobs in the same time, despite her health and social life. “No matter how hard it is” she said. Thanks to his perseverance she succeeds to achieve her goal. At the end of her studies, she hasn’t got debts anymore. In my opinion, this case is exceptional.
To avoid unfair tuition fees, I think the universities should reward the best students, who make efforts and work hard since a long time, with creating a merit scholarship. What is the stake here is to allow everybody to go the universities, and not only the rich. Thank you.