Oral / Idea of Progress

Bonjour,
je passe mon oral d'anglais le 5 mai 2014 et je souhaiterais de l'aide en termes de correction. J'ai déjà travaillé sur la notion "idea of progress".
Voici mon travail, n'hésitez pas à y porter des critiques.
The idea of progress can be defined as an improvement, a development or a change – a technical, scientific or social advance which contributes to making the world a better place.
To introduce this concept we can ask ourselves how new technologies can be both useful , educational but sometimes dangerous ?
PLAN : I- New technologies are sources of progress
II- The new technologies are not sources of progress
I- New technologies are sources of progress
Since the industrial revolution, many technologies have appeared in our life. Phones, computers, tablets, television are developed over time . For example, Apple, a multinational company , is the source of much of this technological development . Apple was created in 1973 by Steve Jobs. The first product of the brand is a computer with, as its name suggests, an apple. His marketing approach is based on innovation and aesthetics of its products which is often appreciated by consumers. Apple has managed to establish itself through innovative ideas, such as iPod, iPhone, Macbook Air. This example shows that the business innovation of new electronic devices are sources of technical progress because Apple made sure to increase the comfort of the life of man. Other technologies have revolutionized the way of life of human as the creation of internet, the introduction of machine tool in companies, the 3D print or medical and environmental progresses, for example.
II- The new technologies are not sources of progress
But these new technologies can be a source of damage. Indeed, any technological machine uses natural resources. Natural resources are not unlimited and so new technologies are causing environmental damage. Moreover, if we take the previous example of Apple, the working conditions of the company are bad and many consumers believe to be completely dependent on their mobile, computer or anything product of Apple. This clearly shows the flaws in this company. We can finally take for example the social networks whose use can be dangerous. Teenagers are most affected and most vulnerable. They may be victim of bullying mental sometimes physical, of insults, of obscene photographs or even identity theft.
Conclusion :
The study of this concept allows us to understand that new technologies can improve the comfort, health, economics, politics, philosophy, the environment and knowledge of man but they can be dangerous to abused of it, if we do not control their use.
Merci d'avance d'avoir prêté attention à ce post et d'y avoir consacré un peu de votre temps..